How Your Story Shaped You: 3 Exercises to Discover Your Transformation Journey

Memoir writing is more than recounting events; it’s about uncovering the deeper truths of how those events shaped you. As memoirists, we dig through the raw material of our lives, not just to relive the past, but to understand it, learn from it, and share our hard-won wisdom with others.

Marion Roach Smith, author and host of the writing podcast, Qwerty, sums this up beautifully: “Memoir isn’t about what happened to you. It’s about what you did with what happened to you and what you now know because of it.”

When writing the first draft of your memoir, you’ll likely focus on capturing the events—the what of your story. That’s important groundwork, but it’s only the beginning. The real work of memoir lies in uncovering the why and how of your story:

• Why do these events matter?
• How did they shape who you are today?

Memoir is about transformation—about moving from who you were before an experience to who you are now because of it. Whether the moments in question involve joy, trauma, or quiet growth, the heart of your story lies in the change it created in you. 

Excavating the Deeper Truths of Your Story

Memoir allows us to mine our experiences for the wisdom and transformation that can guide not only our lives but also inspire others. Here are three exercises you can do to dig for the wisdom within you:

1. Before and After Map

Choose a pivotal experience in your life. On one side of a piece of paper, write what you believed, felt, or how you behaved before the experience. On the other side, describe what changed—what you now believe, know, or how you act because of that experience. This exercise not only highlights your transformation but also helps identify themes and emotional truths in your story.

2. Wisdom Words

Complete the sentence: “Because of what I’ve been through, I now know...” Brainstorm words, phrases, or truths that have emerged from your experiences. This freewriting practice can uncover surprising insights and serve as inspiration for themes in your memoir.

3. The Path Others Can Follow

Think of a challenge you’ve navigated and outline three steps or pieces of advice you’d offer to someone facing a similar challenge. While your memoir isn’t a how-to book, understanding the lessons you’ve learned can help you write scenes that reveal your growth and provide hope for readers.

The Power of Sharing Your Story

Writing memoir isn’t just about personal catharsis. It’s about creating connection and meaning for others. When you share your transformation, you invite readers into their own journey of change and growth. Whether you’re writing about overcoming a life-altering trauma, navigating a major transition, or simply making sense of the quieter moments that shaped you, your story has the power to resonate deeply with others. It can spark empathy, provide hope, and even act as a guide for those walking a similar path.

In a world that often feels fragmented, memoirs remind us of our shared humanity. Your unique experiences and the wisdom you’ve gained are valuable. The process of writing memoir not only transforms you as a writer but can also inspire and heal those who read it.

So, as you reflect on your own story, ask yourself:

• What have you done with what happened to you?
• What do you now know because of it?
• How can sharing that transformation bring light to others?

Your story matters. Let it be shaped by your experiences—and let it shape the world.